how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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