"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
