i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need to stop coming to work sober
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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