I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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