He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
