There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
