I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No subtext here. People are naked.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
