i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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