I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
