I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
