Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
