You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
