I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
