Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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