I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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