No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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