Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
