I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
