It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
