He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
