I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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