Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
