dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
