I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
