I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
