I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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