Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
