well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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