I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
