On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
