Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
