shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need a burrito and a hug.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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