It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
