i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
