I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
