I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
