She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want to make out with him forever
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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