I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
