I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
