I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
