Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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