dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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