Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Everything about him screamed your future.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Randomize
