I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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