Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
a search helicopter?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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