Yo dont text me then not text me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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