I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
