I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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