Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
