I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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